LOCKINSIDE

2012-02-11T22:58:00.000+08:00

Was just feeling really happy watching wild romance :)
Dramas and movies are my closest friends :)

Anyway, Jaysree came over to my house for a short while today :)
It was really fun, and as usual she's lovely!
She's awesome at the guitar by the way :)

Candice really made my day this morning :)
this dear friend of mine, whom I'm not exactly very close to,
baked me pineapple tarts and wrote love letters to pass to me
just cause I asked for goodies during CNY :)
I will be meeting her tomorrow at airport.
She doesnt know how much this means to me :)

Because we expect love from people who don't love us,
and ignore those who do.

2012-02-09T23:39:00.000+08:00

That's the only two messages I have for today :)

2012-02-09T02:43:00.001+08:00

You have beauty, money, popularity, everything superficial, but I have God.

2012-02-08T22:19:00.001+08:00

Today was a really difficult day for me.
I had a really interesting lesson from 10-12,
and had a break till 2pm (just studied and ate lunch on my own),
followed by a meeting from 2-3 and 3-4 with an english class :)
Oh! I made this new friend in English class called Joei,
she's really nice, she told me she was bullied in school and everything.
I really admire her character though :) although she may be a little different,
she's pretty sweet :)

Anyway, before I boarded the MRT, I prayed to God for seats,
missed out the part of the prayer to pray for very few old people.
Gave up my seat willingly, and just prayed for the journey to be faster,
and God did. I found a video on my itouch I thought I had watched
and it just made me laugh while I was on the train.

Reached home and had a major headache, ate good food given by Umbi
and headed for a nap.

Woke up and the headache was still horrible.
Ate again, took panadol and it's slightly better now.

The better part of the day. I had a long phone conversation with Angeline and
my heart feels a million times better. A mini whatsapp conversation with Nalani did the same :)
and now I'm watching City Hunter with my sister :)

I don't know whats the right word to describe home, but if there was one word,
I would say its heaven, it truly is :)

2012-02-07T23:41:00.001+08:00

"and on other days, she thought it would be nice to have someone listen, when she heard God's voice saying I'm always here" - elsa shalina

2012-02-07T22:43:00.001+08:00

It has been an eventful past few days :)
Lunch in school with Roshan and Glenn :)
Post-trip meeting with the EMP team.
I learnt how to borrow books from the RBR :)
Been doing my readings, and actually studying.
Headed to the gym yesterday!
My sister bought me puttu mayam today :)
Just caught episode 1 of city hunter (Y)
Met 0932A on Saturday for Sin fei and Jiaying's birthday :)
Now I'm tired, and I'm going to go sleeeeep :)

goodnight pretty world.

Be my girl by FTIsland :)

2012-02-04T11:19:00.000+08:00

Had a good run with Peiyu yesterday, though it was merely 4 rounds,
my body feels good :)

Was looking at some SEP stuff yesterday, I'm quite excited to apply,
but I'm clueless on the country to apply to :x hahah!
Well, Korea seems like an ideal place, but not realistic!
oh well.

Off to Sinfei's birthday party later at night (0932A gathering of sorts) :)
Till then, I need to catch up on my work yahh!

adios.

NALINA BY BLOCK B!

2012-02-02T14:09:00.001+08:00

NALLI NALLI NALLINA = SWAG. SWAG ALL OVER.

to my lovely sister Amirahwaty Abdullah, Happy 24th Birthday :)
Dinner with the family later, just catching up on some projects now.

I don't know i dont know but im hot hot (so hot).

okay, adios.

2012-02-01T21:47:00.001+08:00

Thank you Blessing Joseph, Jaysree, Grace and Angeline for the lovely random messages :)
Lunch with Shi ping, new group members, completely exhausted but happy.
Mommy tied plaids for me :)

2012-01-31T22:08:00.001+08:00

A GOOD GOOD DAY :)
lunch date with Joy Tan - splendid.

what a beautiful day.

2012-01-30T21:28:00.000+08:00

HelloHello :)

Well, today kickstarted off pretty brilliantly :)
Reached school in time for my south asian lecture,
and had a really good laugh with shahnaz even before classes started :)

Following that I went to my english class! and it was epic cool shizzles for realzxz!
LOVED IT! though my mouth is realllllllly tired.
We did pronounciation of words (the real ones)
Like for instance, leg, is not pronounced as (leg) but instead (lergu), with a silent u.

COOL.

k, tomorrow = super long day.
I will survive! hehe.

goodbye my friend.

2012-01-30T00:41:00.000+08:00

I just have a few more things to say before I turn in and wake up to a brand new kind of morning.
Although probably a little upsetting, I think this is going to be my way of saying goodbye.
As cowardly as it may seem, I think my heart feels at peace typing this out.

Goodbye (some of) my good friend/friends :)
I wish you all the best in all you do.
I'll still be proud of you all no matter what happens,
& I'll always be glad to have met such wonderful friends
who gave me beautiful memories and a strong support
when I needed one :)

But things change, I've changed and well...
I just think it's time for me to start a new :)
Thank you for having been with me.
I trust God that it is better this way :)

goodnight, with my last blow of xoxo.

im a warrior.

2012-01-30T00:21:00.002+08:00

I'M A WARRIOR.

School starts again and for real tomorrow,
since tutorials shall begin which means overload
of assignments projects and what not,
but hey, if there's one thing I love about university
it's the part which involves studying.
I love how I'm learning things I am interested in :)

Last Saturday, I headed to a CNY party hosted by Jin Le,
for all the EMPers. It felt like Laos all again, all we did was
play cards, chat, eat, and even without the night sky with shiny stars,
it felt right :)

I finally realised what made me feel awkward, but
I'm going to take it in my stride and become stronger.. a warrior.

Life on the other hand, is still good, still really good :)

ps. My sister made this yoghurt egg mixture for my hair today (I feel like a pampered kid) and we just watched Wild Romance for 7 hours the whole of today :) Although I hate to admit it, it's always nicer having a sister around despite the tons of anger, jealousy and what not that goes through my mind at times :)

I realise quite a lot of people have been reading my blog lately, cause the numbers are jumping up,
but, to whoever you are, thanks for reading, i hope my life has been interesting enough :)

a fact about me: I like to go missing at times, though not for long, just for a day or two.

2012-01-27T21:58:00.001+08:00

something hollow, something strange.

2012-01-26T22:05:00.002+08:00

Headed out to study with Lilin Khong today :)
It was great, effective/productive and awesome.

I'm home and I'm about to watch my show.
Adios amigo.

No reason to have a boyfriend.

2012-01-25T01:48:00.001+08:00

I think I've found a perfect reason for having no social life/i.e. boyfriends and stuff.
I have too many good, meaningful dramas awaiting me on the internet,
that makes me feel more special than a thousand lovers could, maybe.

but as surprising as it may seem,
as the days pass by,
I'm not even anticipating the day where
I meet someone I'm going to live and grow old with.
When the day comes it'll come, till them,
I'm a free bird and I'm loving every second of it :)

2012-01-24T00:17:00.002+08:00

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

2012: One of the most meaningful year of my life.

2012-01-21T13:08:00.001+08:00

I was just sitting down and talking to my mum yesterday.
This year has really been a blessing in many ways,
and I'm learning so much about myself and God and the people
around me, that it feels like a really beautiful life that I have.

Here are some things that I can say:

Jaysree - I feel that she is God's way of making me share my pains of my grandmother because she has similar problems and she can relate to the way I feel. Somehow, it feels nice knowing I was not alone :)

One litre of tears - Completely changed my life.

Sufyan - his little motivation talk to me on the bus really opened my eyes abit more and made me a little bit more motivated to study in life. I know I'm not alone.
Okay, back to journalling.
Yesterday was truly a fruitful day :D
Attended lecture from 8 to 10, meeting from 10-12, lecture from 12-2
and study date with lilin dearest from 2-4.30, followed by shopping for goodies
and presents for Hanim's surprise party from 5-7!

IT WAS A SUCCESSSSSS!! :DDD
hahaha, I don't know how to describe it,
my vocabulary has become more limited.

From iJC, there was Nal, Nat, Si thu, Sufyan and I
and the rest were her AI mates :)
It was a blast basically! Her AI mates were really friendly
too, so it didnt feel awkward but homely in a way :)

she was told she was gonna take a survey and was
forced to come down to RP, HAHAHAH!
thank god she fell for it, or the surprise would be a fail.

oh well, HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY HANIM!!!

1 litre of tears - post-drama withdrawal.

2012-01-19T13:43:00.001+08:00

Well, the most meaningful Japanese drama in my life
has finally come to an end. I don't know how to describe it,
but every episode pulled my heartstrings, and every episode
somehow gave me a new outlook on life.
If you've never watched it you would never understand,
even my mum thinks its a waste of time.
But, I see God sending me a message in each episode.
Telling me to be strong, telling me to live a good life,
telling me to appreciate the littlest things in life.

It's a miracle and a blessing that I was born perfectly normal.
God's love is amazing.

When you think you've had hard times in life,
truly think again, cause there's always someone
in the corner of the earth going through a harder time then you.
Realise that you're gifted and be thankful,
thankful for the life God has chosen for you no matter how it may seem.

Like Aya in real life, you may wonder why you of all people
have to go through such hurt and pain,
but in every obstacle, God is just bringing you to a better destination.
This is something I truly believe in, and God takes me by surprise each time.

Thank you for this true story, thank you Allah :)

A fruitful week thus far.

2012-01-18T18:50:00.002+08:00

Hello Hello :)

Well, I met Blessing yesterday and we chatted at Paya Lebar Mall :D
Following that, I headed out with my mummy-s and sister
for a shopping day out at Bugis! Honestly, you can spend
like mad at Bugis cause its a lot cheaper then anywhere else.
Had good dinner as well! OHOH! I MANAGED TO FAST THE WHOLE DAY yesterday!
But fasting did not include not drinking, haha, needa lose weight so food is the one that I chose
to minus. I really love my mamas :)

Today, met Jaysree Nagaraja and headed to Vivocity for lunch followed by a short
trip to Forever 21 and there on it was just talking for hours. For some reason,
I could just tell her everything and it was like she understood.
You know how God always gives you something better, I felt like she
was that something better :) when none of my friends asked me out to celebrate my birthday,
she did and even bought me a t-shirt although we were not even close in the first place.
It was nice with her, just laughing heartily and having a really good time.
She's a friend for keeps and I really look forward to getting to know her more :)
thanks Jaysree :)

2012-01-17T09:49:00.001+08:00

Sitting alone in Science Faculty today.
Can't help feeling a little lonerish,
but I think the drama is helping me a lot
(not that I am watching it) but somehow,
I am appreciating things more, even this quiet
time, the ability to use my laptop and drink horlicks
peacefully and just watch as people
walk and eat. It's nice :)

Off to watch my webcast :)

1 litre of tears.

2012-01-17T00:27:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm watching another tearjerker drama called 1 litre of tears.
It's about this girl who has a diseases that slowly paralyses her,
and it's a true story at that.

It just makes me reflect so much about life,
and I know a lot of shows do this to me and sometimes I wonder
why I'm not appreciating life more, the minutes, the things I can do, I do wonder a lot.

But extremely so tonight, I just want to thank God for simply everything,
everything good and bad in my life, everything that is teaching me something.

Though chances are low, 2012 is indeed an eye-opener and not many
can possibly feel what I am feeling, but God, you're really opening up my eyes to this world.
You're teaching me the pain of others, teaching me how to become a better person and I feel it
God, I truly do. I can only say thank you, because no other words seem to be able to describe how wonderful you are.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELSA! (STORY TELLING)

2012-01-15T15:09:00.000+08:00

Hello All!

So, I just turned 20 yesterday at the stroke of 12.

This version, would be the story-telling and the appreciation part.

Well, on January 13, I planned a gathering with Prissy and Wendy to celebrate Priscilla's birthday!

We headed to Swensens for a meal and all was fun! Haven't laughed so much in a long time seriously! We were laughing about Wendy's tube, followed by all the camwhoring and how the ants kept chasing the cake that Wendy treated to Priscilla and I! hahahaha :D Following that, I had another camwhoring session with Wendy and we did the above picture together :) Birthdays are best when there are people to celebrate it together with you :) and I truly thank God for these two!

Following that, I was really tired so I headed to bed and I was awaken to a birthday song and cake by my dearest Mummy and sister :) My swollen face above is the after effect of sleeping! hahaha, but it was so sweet :) and the cake was yummmmmmyyyyy! Received many spot on messages by people like Hanim, Blessing, Grace, Angeline and Hui yun the dearie called me! but I missed it initially oops :x hahaha! Well, throughout the next day, there were tons of lovely people who messaged me and I got 100 over notifications! :DDD (heheheh, excited and happy!)

THANKS FOR ALL THE WISHES.

there were some people who disappointed me, but I guess, in every way, God is just teaching me a lesson! Cherish those who cherish you a lot! :D thank you God!

Following that, we had a mini celebration at home with my beloved Family :)

I realised something yesterday, presents and all that just add excitement, but the most intimate moment is when your family members are all together praying for you under the same roof and genuinely wishing you happy birthday and singing it with smiles on their faces :) I couldn't ask for more! :) oh! the second best part would still be the food and presents! hehehe! ATE TONS OF GOOD FOOD AND I GOT A IBANEZ GUITAR JAMPACK YOOO!!!!!! got a Guess Bag and some accessories tooo :D loved ittt!! and my fingers are addicted to the guitar again! cool or whutt :P

hehehe, that's all! that was how my 20th was spent!

goodbyeeeee :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELSA!

2012-01-14T16:01:00.001+08:00

THANK YOU EVERYONE WHO HAS WISHED ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN THE PAST 15 HOURS! :D i know I keep saying that i means a lot, but it truly does to me cause each and everyone of you just made this day a little more special to me :) along the way, we lose some people but we gain some even better ones and I'm glad I've got you bunch to keep me going :)

NO SCHOOL TOMORROW DAY.

2012-01-11T21:53:00.000+08:00

I drove and parked successfull yesterday (pats my head) :)
but I did cross a red light, oopsy daisies!

I met Brandon and Christine today :)
as usual, Brandon's favourite place is City Hall
and favourite topic is Singapore's politics :)
and Christine's favourite policy is having giraffes round the country.
hahahaha :) love them both.

life is getting better day by day :)
it's still a little slack, but I'm intending to do more with
life this sem, and I've got more friends (hopefully!)

and and, Brandon might be crashing my history lecture! cool or whut :)

ohoh! MY AWESOME MUMMY NUMBER 2 COOKED STEAK SPECIALLY FOR ME YESTERDAY :)

2nd day of school!

2012-01-10T11:18:00.000+08:00

okay, Jay Park's new releases are seriously good :)
Never knew he could sing this well, especially in star.

Anyway! Day 1 in school went extremely well :)
Met Shanaz in the morning, ran into lovely shuyin
and made a new friend in english class:Sha!

Day 2: Struggled to go to school because its so early in the morning.
Made it there eventually and made a new friend: Aruna :)

1st Solo Driving Moment = Terrifying.

2012-01-09T00:39:00.004+08:00

A few hours ago, my mom asked me to solo drive the car
from the carpark to my lift and I was pespering like crazy.
You see, I was excited till I pressed the open button.
I kept turning the engine on and off and the car wouldn't reverse.
So much so that I thought the car had spoilt.
A car was waiting for me, and I became so gabra.
I messaged my mom for a rescue mission,
and the moment she came, the engine worked well again.
(I didn't switch on the engine properly)

Driving, I used 2 legs, couldn't focus on the lights
and was still pespering with my heart beating at a super fast rate.

I messaged me mom sorry and that I will drive better next time.
Sensing my disappointment, she comforted me with an its okay,
practise will make it better and be happy :)

I love my mummy.

A day before Semester 2 :)

2012-01-08T17:12:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, when I went through the list of my future classmates,
I got to admit that I was intimidated.
I don't know what it was that made me think I was not as smart as them.
My sister reminded me again that I am Smart.

and heaven yes, I AM! :D
If I can get through semester 1,
I can through semester 2 even better :)

I say, get ready for school! :D

What exactly is life?

2012-01-07T20:57:00.002+08:00

I chanced upon this very saddening video on facebook today.
It somehow broke my heart, not just seeing their suffering
and the wasted future, but that I feel helpless.

I used to give myself the excuse that I was too young
to (as cliche as it might sound) change the world.
But, now that I'm hitting 20, I just realise that I am
all the more capable of doing so many things but I'm still tied.

I was looking at sponsoring a child today,
but I realised that needed money.
Which I currently cannot afford to give,
considering my family comes first, and
before helping others, I need to help myself first.
I can't commit to helping when I myself am
still dependent on my mom for allowance,
you get what I mean?
Maybe in the years to come I will.

I looked at tuition agencies for a source of income.
But that's the thing, I don't want to teach
children who are forced to learn.
Which is why I would rather be recommended through ties
than to teach some kid that has no interest.

As I grow even older,
I hope God keeps me grounded
and reminds me everyday of how lucky I am.
How lucky my life has been.
How lucky to have gotten such a wonderful family.
Thank you God.

I hope to be a good human when I'm an adult earning money,
one who remembers what is suffering and not just
absorbed into the rat race that Singapore presents us with.

I guess, for now, I just want to study hard,
make my family proud and then focus on all the other things
I can do with my education and effort : teaching.
I shall see where God takes me, and put my trust in God.

Ps. A person to be thankful for today: Alicia Ang who dropped me a random message which completely made me smile :)

OH! and, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHANG HUI YUN! enjoying yourself at the moment I suppose? winks. hehhee ^.^

2012-01-07T00:56:00.000+08:00

Today was a simple stay at home kind of day :)
Woke up quite late in the afternoon.
Thankful for the modules I've gotten.

A more interesting part of today would be the movies I watched:
I am Sam & Fireproof.

I am Sam made me weep like a kid.
I somehow feel like I have lost my talent to express
with words as well as I used to, but I shall give it a go.

Basically, the story was about an autistic father fighting for custody
of his 7 year old daughter who has higher IQ than him.

It's not always what a parent can offer in terms of money or education that matters,
but the unconditional love they provide that is priceless.
(told you I've lost my flare for writing)

so, go watch the movie yourself :)
it reminds you of what is love :)

Artificial Intelligence.

2012-01-06T19:38:00.001+08:00

Artificial Intelligence.

Dear humans,
watch this movie if you never did.
You will have no regrets.

First post in 2012 :)

2012-01-06T02:02:00.002+08:00

Honestly,

wait wait, before I start writing a long story,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Kay, let's rewind now.

Honestly, I was procrastinating writing this first post in 2012 because I have too many things to say. But rather than forgetting it, I am just going to spill the things I remember and hope this post saves me every bit of good memories that I have.

To kick it off, the month of December:
How do I put this? kay, I shall sub-divide it.

1) Before I left for Laos:
Conflict in the house - chaos with my grandmother.
Lost hope in many friendships.
Experienced the death of someone I just got close to.

2) During the Laos Trip: (ps. the real story begins now)
December the 6th, we left for Vientianne Laos. I wish I would write a more detailed description but since I've already written a diary I guess I shall just savour the bits of good memories that I wish to write about.

Cave Trekking with candles.
5 Waterfalls.
An elephant ride.
Kayaking along a wonderful scenery.
Meeting the Volleyball kids and winning tug-o-war in
Kao Keung School Sports Day.
Meeting the lovable kids who gave me sweets/drinks/letters/drawings
and tears when we left, but mostly a whole lot of love and laughter.
A conflict with a friend within the first 5 days: but now we're close friends.
A kid got injured and blood was dripping.
Mekong River.
Gazing at the pretty night sky filled with stars.
Cold Wind and Hot Afternoons.
Cold Water.
Choking of toilets/breaking of door knobs.
Dinners.
Playing card games and saboteur.
21 EMPers.
Healthy life: Wake up for 21 days at 7.30am, eat breakfast by 8am, eat lunch by 1-2pm, eat dinner by 6-7pm and really exercise a lot.
Life was more meaningful than a day of living in Singapore.
Results in Laos: 3.7/5 :D satisfactory. Thank you God :) considering all the emotional turmoil I was going through.

k. skip all that.

On the last day, we all got letters from each of the 21 empers.
I cried on the very first one - the guy I had a conflict with.
Since he doesnt know my blog: His name is Tianzhi.
I had been feeling insecure and rather out of place during the later
half of the trip, because I didn't know where I belonged.
But, when I started reading all the letters, I felt like I must have
done something right to have made such wonderful friends.
I was particularly touched by his, Jiong Guang's, Shuyin's and Yan rui's letter to be honest.
It just meant a lot, and I felt like these and the other empers were people I really want to treasure in my life.
In many ways, I've learnt. It didn't occur to me, but I guess this trip was indeed an eye opener.
It taught me how to love people more and what to do during weird situations.
Basically, the last day felt like Magic :)
I was feeling great to be home too.
There really is no place like home.

Upon reaching home, the first surprise that awaited me was my 3rd uncle from America.
Therefore, we headed for a feast/dinner near the esplanade. Ate too much probably.

Next day: First closest cousin's marriage 27 December 2011

Unfortunately, I was sick with vomitting and diarrhea (thank God for it was mild). Visited the doctor with my mothers and I was ready to go for the wedding reception of Ram and Maha. They are the cousins I can proudly say I love most :) and respect quite a lot too. Anyway, we all wore sari's! okay, it was a first time for me! probably the last time for a reallllllllly long time. I'm not demure and elegant enough to wear one. hahahaha! the wedding reception was fantastic, left the place feeling good and full of course.

I wish I could remember what I did for the next few days but I honestly can't.

So I shall skip to New Year! ;) all we did was enjoy the company of loved ones at home.
My sister and I, just enjoyed ourselves at 12am, slept till 3am and woke up to send our uncle off back to America. He kissed us on our foreheads goodbye (something I'd like to remember).

On New Year, hmmmmmm, what did I do?

2nd Jan: I was still wising everyone a happy new year! but this time, I was wishing someone happy birthday too! BLESSING JOSEPH! :) i shall keep the better post for later. OHOH! I think I remember, I went shopping with my sister at parkway parade and bought myself pretty tops and a dress from MANGO! (virgin experience) hehehehehe ^.^

3rd Jan: I went for chinese k-pop with the EMPer's at katong shopping centre, followed by MI4 where we occupied one whole row, ate astons and ate udders. A day of many firsts. But the most touching part was when they celebrated the birthdays of the January babies. It was surprising and heartfelt. It's a small thing, but the effort they took without anyone having to ask them to do it was what caught me offguard, and I really appreciated every minute of it. I still remember tianzhi clapping for me when I was taking a solo pic with the camera. And Sin hui writing happy birthday jan babies on the cake by herself. Jin le going crazy with her loving and gong xi fa cai. Jin Le, Jocelyn and I making weird noises and expressions while watching MI4 (inclusive of covering our faces).

4th Jan: I wore my dress! the one from MANGO! :D and my family and I headed to Dempsey (or something like that) to eat. It was, well, how should I put it, you just know that family is simply the best group of people/gift God has given you, somehow. My dad treated us to a meal since he got his bonus plus it was an advanced birthday treat as well. My lovely Godmum treated to me and my sisters to a lovely chain, and she chose the one for me that I knew I was gonna choose. I simply love the design, but more so than that, I love the thought. I love my family lah. It's the simplest way to put it.

5th Jan: Blessing, thy name shall appear here. hahaha! I met Blessing, the 20 year old who doesn't know where east is. On the other hand, she met the 19 year old who doesn't know how to walk to fareast. After a few minutes of shopping, we headed to pastamania to eat cheesesticks and pizza but more importantly, we talked like there was no tomorrow :) and i loved every minute of it. I sometimes feels like God connects us, though we are of different religions, we both love God and we're both optimistic. She takes time to listen but also advices and well, it felt like we met every single day even though the last time I saw her was really really months ago (I can proudly say last year). I don't know what's the right word or anything, I just know that it felt good :) (smiles from the heart)

Following that, I met with Hanim (the working lady) and Nathalie. Initially, a crashover at Nat's place till Hanim ended work :) then we headed to Banquet to eat and chit chat, and all the good memories came rolling over. It was a really short meeting, but you know how, when you meet people you love, you just talk comfortably knowing you won't be judged by what you say or what you do. I'm thankful :)

Don't you think my life has been pretty fruitful? hehe ^.^

I don't intend to reflect and write about it, I've done enough reflection without the writing in my head.
But if there were somethings that touched me, it was Wendy/Hanim and Priscilla's messaging me about when I was coming home from Laos :) this is something I want to remember for a long time too.

I'm talking to my grandma again, and currently we're at peace :)
I pray that I have the strength to keep it at that and love her like theres no tomorrow (for real).

Talked to my mom last night, cried my heart out about certain things.
but it all feels good now, perhaps I'm not as a bad a person I thought I was.

Where there is God, I know strength will find its way to me :)
to persevere through whatever troubles, to make me a stronger person,
to make me optimistic, to make me a good daughter/grand daughter/sister and a person in general.

Elsa, you got a long way to go.
I hope you will be proud of yourself 2 years from now?

and myohmy, the digit 2 is arriving.
Old people. sighhh.

with many love,
leaving on a happy note,
rather a thankful note,
elsa shalina abdullah :)

Leaving on a jet plane baby!

2011-12-06T12:20:00.001+08:00

to all my dearest, the day has come!
I'll be back in about 21 days so don't forget me k ^.^
remember the very nice and pretty and sweet and loving
person that I am (HAAHAHHAAHHA)

k, this is the excitement talking.
Goodbyeeee!

Project emp - arrival.

2011-12-05T23:10:00.001+08:00

Hello there.
These are the wonderful people I'm going to spend my next 21 days with!
I know my post earlier today was kinda depressing, but I'm feeling a helluva lot
better now, well , atleast a teeny weeny bit of an improvement?
I'm almost set and ready to go, though my flight is only at 5.30pm,
I just want to get it all done today so that tmr is a slack, eat, love day.

Had my haircut, it was too long for my liking, although
nothing much changed.

I do love my grandma, love her a lot.
My dearest godmum and mum are excited about me going
to the trip so much that they went shopping for my stuff and all.
Now, I'm bringing like packets and packets of maggi and tuna over.
hehhee ^.^ they're so cute and lovely.

next item on the list would be to apply for push service
so that I can wake up to my results when I'm in laos. lol.

anyway, I'll see if I have time tomorrow to update one last time.
For now anyway, it looks like the last one for a long time.

In advance, merry christmas! :D
with much love and everything else.

2011-12-05T13:54:00.001+08:00

I thought sleeping would help.
But I still feel suffocated when I wake up.
sighh, laos, come quickly.

2011-12-05T00:28:00.001+08:00

On the bright side, there's things I can look forward to.
I call them my short-term pain relievers.

2011-12-04T23:23:00.001+08:00

Just got back home from the EMP BBQ over at shiping's place.
As fun as it was, when I said my goodbyes, my heart began to feel heavy again.
Heavy at the thought of coming home and my chest feels tight.
I don't know if it's the food I ate that is choked or the thoughts
of myself that make me feel a little suffocated.

Sad songs seem to replay on my playlist.
Just being home makes me tear up.
Maybe I'm thinking too much, maybe I'm not as horrible as I think I am.
Maybe its all natural, but somehow it hurts so much.
Just being alone in my room, all the thoughts keep rushing back.
The horrible memory I had just a mere few hours ago
replace all the good ones I had for the past 6 hours.

I just really wish I was a better person.
I really wish I was a better granddaughter, a daughter.
My heart just hurts tonight.
It hurts so much that I find it hard to breathe.

Dear God, give me the strength, the strength to fight through all this.

I'm just thankful for the laos trip,
because it feels like a getaway more than a holiday.
Need time on my own, time away from Singapore
and everything it holds.

2011-12-04T13:40:00.001+08:00

I have to be stronger than myself, ridicule my pride and ego, and wake up to what's love.
My 82 year old grandmother just apologised to me.
Elsa, I'm speechless and disgusted.

2011-12-04T12:55:00.001+08:00

I absolutely hate it when people force me to eat,
or make me feel not at peace when I want to eat.
Freaking fustrating.

On the side note, heading to shi ping's house
for logistic packing todat &
then it will be 2 more days to LAOS :D

I wonder.

My grandma's back home, and no matter how much I have to deal with,
I'm glad she's back. Glad she's home. Glad I get to make amends (hopefully).
It's just so tiring, tiring me out all the time.

I've kind of realised as the years flew pass that friendship often has very little meaning.
I was beginning to lose hope in true friendships a few years back; but I always feel
a little spark ignite in me when I know that I still have a minute number that I can count on.
Yesterday felt like one, just pouring out everything in my heart, and to know there were
people who felt the same way I did, or atleast realise I'm not that evil a human.
(To hui yun and jessica, you don't know how thankful I am for yesterday :)

I am someone who hasn't believed in a best friend since secondary school,
and that thought hasn't changed much either. God has and will always be my bestfriend.

Even as I pour out my thoughts on this little blog of mine, I know it's God I'm talking to.
In God I trust, as I make decisions, make choices, words I say, actions I make.
Though I may not always be right, it's always right in the long run cause God is just teaching
me something, maybe not now, but in the future.

The second half of the year has been a rollercoaster.
But I'm glad I survived. Something I overcame with my will.
Not necessarily with friends, but with God, my family and my willpower.
Of course, there are the friends who've just made days a little lighter,
and I'm always thankful for that :)

This post is in no way a depressing one, I'm just beginning to see
the light as I grow older, break out of my outer shell of what a wonderful world is
and overwhelming expectations of everything including myself.

Still thankful, for being in pvps meeting lilian sofia yanglin and being in 6j, for being in love class and meeting wonderful people like wendy, hui yun and jess, being in peace class, for meeting the animal kingdom and isaac, meeting wonderful people in tamil class like blessing, meeting wonderful people in jc like hanim nalani nat hazi nabisah candice and many more, who've given me support without me asking for it :) of course, there's my cpf friends siti hui chin brandon christine and my uni friends - joy, lilin, shahnaz,syahirah, dave, fred and xiaxue, glenn roshan yan yi biren esther alicia, for giving me the best of times :) and the whole of project emp.

God's plans are simply great.
If I didn't find you, I'd be a disaster now.

Best 3 days in a long while :)

2011-12-03T19:35:00.001+08:00

HELLO! :D
been feeling very happy lately :)

1) Korean Drama: My girl
seriously - how could I have missed such a good drama for 5 years?!
I'm thankful to these shows cause I find solace and some form of happiness
though it takes away more than 21 hours of my life.
I'm happy though others may call it a waste of time :)

2) Met the cpf clique - siti, hui chin, seok teng and annabel :)
as usual, it was fun and warm :) we headed to the arcade and had a ball of a time!

3) Met Cheryl to go shopping for the EMP trip and later headed to her house to help her with her packing! it was fun, and I learnt quite a lot, but most importantly the company was great :)

4) Headed down to Bishan early in the morning to pass the EMP t-shirts, followed by a gathering with chang hui yun and jessica chan yi lei :) it was, splendid. It was so comfortable and nice and loving just being with them and talking to them about anything. The running in the rain was like an additional bonus - however the macs is giving me indigestion :) hahaha. I hope to remember this day for a very long time. Haven't felt this peaceful in a while, though technically we only lazed at yun's place, it was just nice, and comfortable :) love you two kiddos very very much.

Tangled - I see the light

2011-11-30T17:48:00.001+08:00

disney movies give me solace.
I realise living independently is not half as bad as it seems.
& somehow I feel like I can go on.

Laos trip, come soon.
I need to go away from Singapore.

James Morrison - I won't let you go.

2011-11-30T17:15:00.001+08:00

Haven't felt this upset with myself in awhile.
My weight just sky rocketed.
I've gained like 11kg since last year.

Sigh, days like these make me wonder
why I could'nt be born being able to eat
anything I want and still stay slim.
Where's the fairness right?
Oh well, we all gain in one aspect or another.
Maybe God loves me more,
that's why he wants me to stay fit
by exercising and not just rejoicing in being slim.

Yesterday was pretty fun yet hectic.
Went driving and realised I can't park for nuts :(

So many things to do, and I'll be flying away in 6 plus days.
As fun as it may seem, I'm going to miss home a lot.
& I really hope I do lose a ton of weight.
I don't want to turn 20 being fat and not atleast plum.

That's it, I'm returning to pasir ris tonight.
Diet plan takes over.
I guess this time I'm a whole lot more serious.
No more rice for awhile.

sighhhhh, weight oh weight.
I'm not ashamed, just upset I let myself expand this much.
School must have really taken a toll.

A rocket to the moon: Like we used to.

2011-11-28T23:13:00.001+08:00

Does he do all these things, like I used to?

Hello, it's a wonderful day, know why?
IT IS THE END OF EXAMS.
YEAH BABY YEAH.

MAMA in singapore

2011-11-28T11:46:00.001+08:00

Feeling kind of upset now.
MAMA is being hosted in Singapore tomorrow.
The people I love are so close and yet so far :(
sigh, money money.
Why do the tickets have to be so pricey?
Then again, paying would not mean I'm supporting them,
just supporting mnet making money.
Okay, I'm gonna blabber on..
but I somehow really wish I could go.
Just once? oh well, looks like I'm going to have to wait,
a long long time.

Until I start earning my own money,
I have to survive with minimal desires.
That's it, I'm going to work next year and save up tons and tons!
Then I can go shopping/eating and concerts.
(Hopefully)
First goal is still to study smart and do well.
This came like a reminder.

My last paper is at 5pm today.
Let's hope all goes smooth sailing.
Just have to do the memorising now :)
Whatever happens will happen.
Who knows, I might even run into some of the korean artists,
like in those fairytales where they get lost? ;0
okay, fat hope aye.

l. bye. still. sadded.
On the bright side though,
since heechul is not there,
I don't feel half as bad.

Pink Romance by Kwill, Boyfriend and Sistar.

2011-11-27T19:51:00.001+08:00

It is my lovely mother's birthday today :)
she turned 49 at the strike of the clock at 12.
what more can I say, I'll always love her.

Somethings I want to say, I don't know how to put it in words.
Having a slight headache, and a long way to go for exams.
I'll be a free soul after 7pm tomorrow :)

Till then.

Huh Gak - elsa, its super good.

2011-11-24T22:44:00.001+08:00

Isn't this just an amazing storyline with heartbreaking music?I'm falling in love with it.

A pink - my my

2011-11-24T19:18:00.001+08:00

People forget how to live all the time.

2011-11-24T00:02:00.001+08:00

Thanks to God, all my papers have been smooth-sailing :)
I've learnt not to expect anything, so all is left to God.
Currently, struggling to concentrate on tomorrow's paper.
My mind seems all over the place and distracted,
and this is a subject that requires concentration.
Therefore, I am going to take a break.
(Is this an excuse? I would'nt know)

2011-11-20T22:51:00.001+08:00

Dear Allah,
Thank you for choosing me out of the thousands to become a Muslim.
Thank you for enlightening me, giving me hope and meaning to life.
Without you, I am nobody.

Y this kollaveri?

2011-11-19T15:21:00.001+08:00

Hello there, my angel from my nightmare (hahhaa - self-entertainment).

Soo, I headed to Malaysia for a couple of days, though it was more of an adult trip,
I'm still glad I went cause it means family time :) Not exactly my kind of trip,
but the company was good. Also visited my sister's school for her Deepavali night.
She was the organising chairperson and also danced at the end.

My sister, was once a person who could not dance at all, so seeing her up
there trying her best made me feel kinda happy :)
Hope you enjoyed yourself mira!

I'm suffering from cough, gahhhhhhhhhhhh.

McFly: Do ya

2011-11-16T21:50:00.001+08:00

Sigh, I smiled just finding this video :)

The Wanted - Warzone

2011-11-16T21:35:00.001+08:00

Finally, a good english song ^.^

Had a mini study date with Siti Suhailah :)
She's even more focused than me which is good.

Heading to Malaysia in abit.
I know right, what am I doing not studying?
Well, family comes first.

baaaaizzzzz.

Korean drama: Partner

2011-11-16T00:17:00.001+08:00

Just finished watching this show ^: The Partner
Korean dramas always make me reflect.

Oh well, I'm turning 20 in about over a month.
Life is going to go at full pace after that.
I think it is time for me to act my age,
time for me to start taking better care of myself
and my family, time for me to stop doing
nothing with my life while I let my youth slip away.
I know I speak more than my actions do,
but if there is a person I want to be, is one that
really lives life to the fullest.

That's not saying that I'm not happy now.
I'm beyond happiness :)
Somehow, I feel like if I were to die the next minute
I would have no regrets.
I used to want to die earlier than my parents so that
I wouldn't feel the pain, but as I got older,
I realised that was just being selfish.
If there is a reason for me to live,
is to give them atleast half the love they gave me.

I want to lead a meaningful life.
One where I make an impact,
my living is appreciated.
I know the world isnt all rainbows,
but I'm excited, exctited for it all.
And I'm certainly very happy with all that I have now :)
Plus, I'm over the moon about the Laos trip too, hehehe ^.^

I do wonder if I'll ever get married,
and If I will ever be able to trust a guy with all my heart
without ever having it to break with cheating,
but I guess that is up to God.
Whatever happens will happen.
and I trust God.
It's important to be my happy in life :)
Anyway, to my future husband, I will be looking forward.
(Like I said, if I get married)

My grandma headed back to India.
If there is one thing I lack, that is enough emotion
towards my family members, I sincerely pray
that I will be taught how to love them more than I do.
I love my grandma nevertheless, no matter what she does :)

--- Because red represents love :)

A song I want to remember: Yui - Tokyo.

2011-11-14T01:14:00.001+08:00

chammak challo.

2011-11-14T00:10:00.001+08:00

hindi song? naisse.

2011-11-13T23:34:00.001+08:00

Finally started studying, though its like teeny weeny steps :)
I realise I'm really someone who studies better at night :)

I don't know what to talk about today ... So.
I guess I shall just post up one of my soci essays :)

WHY BATHE?

(Copyright) Done by: Ashvini D/o Duraisingam

Have you ever wondered why you have to batheevery single day? Common sense would
immediately tell you that the most basicreason why we do so is because of hygiene. But ask yourself again; is that thereal or only reason? This is whensociology comes into play. Sociology understands common sense, but delves intothe deeper reasons that we ourselves may be unconscious of. Just the other day,I saw one of my friends being teased for not bathing before heading to class,and this made me wonder if her main reason behind bathing was to gain socialacceptance rather than hygiene? Speaking in the context of Singapore, it isuncommon or almost unacceptable not to shower at least once a day. Does culturethen play a role in bathing? Let us tryto better understand the rationale of bathing beyond its perceived function.

I conducted a short survey (Annex A) amongst40 people, in Singapore, on the reasons why they bathe. They were only allowedto choose one of the following options: 1) hygiene; the feeling of cleanliness2) culture as family upbringing or societal influences or 3) social acceptance.Out of the 40, only 28 people, which is an estimated 70% that said hygiene wasthe main reason. However, the answers varied when I asked those 28 people ifthey would bathe every single day, if they were completely alone for a month orso. This time round, out of the 28people, 7 chose the possibility of not bathing every day.

Thisshows that though hygiene is the main reason for why many bathe, theyunconsciously and unknowingly do so because of other factors such as social acceptanceas they cannot bear to be seen as looking ‘dirty’. Dr. Steven Juan, ananthropologist at the University of Sydney himself claims that “in modern industrial society today we shower and otherwise bathe formostly social and aesthetic reasons rather than for those of health.” ("Do We ReallyNeed a Daily Shower or Bath to Stay Healthy? • The Register." TheRegister: Sci/Tech News for the World. Web. 15 Sept. 2011. )What I am trying to show is thatsometimes what we assume to be common sense, is only a basic, or rathersuperficial assumption of things. In contrast, sociology proves that beyondphysical and emotional forces, we are also influenced by societal forces (Brymand Lie, 2007).

Subconsciously as well, the culture ofdifferent societies has become a prevailing reason for why many people bathe.For instance, in Japan, individuals prioritise bathing as a cultural activityrather than a hygienic activity. According to the Sukiya Living Magazine (JOJG),the idea of bathing is separated into three levels; “theprivate home, the public Japanese bath house, and onsen hot springresorts.”(“The Japanese Bath." Japanese GardenJournal. Web. 15 Sept. 2011. ) Each of the three levels has different meanings. For instance, bathing inthe private home is considered a compulsory daily ritual to maintain happinessin their lives. On the second level, family members bathe together to increasefamily bonding and on the third level, workers bathe together during trips andetc.

Similar to the Japanese culture, the Roman baths were seen as a form ofa “community gathering place” for the Romans. It is said that “far from simplybeing a place for people to cleanse themselves, Romans baths provided anopportunity for citizens to socialize, exercise, and unwind after a day’s or week’swork.” (Bath, Holiday Inn. "Roman Baths -Ancient Roman Baths - History Of Roman Bath Houses." Online TravelGuides of Travel Destinations - Las Vegas, Caribbean, Hawaii and Machu Picchu.Web. 15 Sept. 2011. ) In both the scenarios, it is quiteclear that culture played a more important role in compelling the Japanese andthe Romans to bathe, as bathing was a form of social bonding and relaxation forthem. Therefore, the culture of different societies can play a role inmotivating people to bathe.

There are still many more reasons as to why people bathe. However, thefact remains that although different individuals have different reasons; thesereasons are somehow intricately woven into the society’s perspective andpractices of bathing. Nevertheless, on ascientific note, bathing is still essential in keeping bacteria away from yourbody. So, don’t stop the good practice! Thank you.

Adios amigos.

2pm - 10 out of 10.

2011-11-12T21:49:00.001+08:00

SHOUTS (THAT BOY IS 10 OUT OF 10)!

People and Life.

2011-11-11T23:11:00.001+08:00

If there is something I have learnt in my 19 years of living,
it is that people, come and go.
Not always as they please, but sometimes willingly and sometimes unwillingly.
And sometimes, we decide that its time for them to leave.

There are people I've hurt, people who hate/dislike me, people
who think I'm never truthful, people who see me as a bad person?
There probably are, and there may even be those who are hypocrites towards me.
I'll never know, I'll really never know.

I don't regret what I've done.
because I really truly believe that all happens
only for a better reason, and perhaps,
I see some light shining upon me now.

As the saying goes, you can't please everyone.
As I am typing away, all I can think is how thankful I am.
I may have let one or two slip away,
but I still have one or two hanging around,
always by my side to comfort me.
It's like God's way of listening.

There is one person I'm truly thankful for at this moment.
And that is Chang Hui Yun who appeared at my life at the right time.
This person, is the person whom I spilled some of my troubles out too.
This person, made me feel light at heart.
I'm sure she's stopped reading my blog,
but God really works wonders.

Just yesterday, we stood outside bishan mrt waiting for a friend,
and despite the weirdly inconvenient place,
unknowingly we talked about all the things the heart had wanted to say.
And just when I was feeling a little down,
she popped a message on whatsapp :)
(she took my advice seriously, hahaha)
Thank you, hui yun, thank you :)
Thanks for making me smile at 11.42pm on 11/11/2011.

Oh well, its a lovely night, and I'll continue living
with all my trust in God, cause God is the only one
who never fails me :)

Meet-up with Brandon & Christine :)

2011-11-08T23:18:00.001+08:00

So I met Brandon & Christine today.
It was pretty lovely and nice :)
I like these two people quite a lot :)
All the best to Brandon who is going to NS.
& Christine, whatever you do, I wish you all the best :)
Love you kiddos.

2011-11-08T00:02:00.001+08:00

If I was a computer graphic, you could probably see volcanic steam coming out from my ears now, including a reddened lava eyes. Feel so angry and so guilty. grrrrr.

B.E.G - Cleansing cream :)

2011-11-06T13:56:00.001+08:00

Wouldnt it be nice if a cleansing cream can wash away unwanted memories?

The pianist: Are we not all humans?

2011-11-04T21:24:00.002+08:00

Yesterday night, I watched this movie call The Pianist (true story).
It was about the torture of Jews during the WW11 in Germany.

Waking up today, I am still deeply disgusted and anguished by the
reality of what happened, and it's really really saddening.

What gives one the right to think that they are superior from another?
I'm not speaking up for Jews alone, I'm speaking for any race that is being looked down upon.
Can't you see? that we are all humans, with the same organs, the same needs, the same feelings?
Just cause I may have a different nose, or I am richer, does that give you the right
to make my life miserable and shoot me for no reason, leave me dead lying on the streets, kill little childrens? just like that? Is that all a human is worth, is that really all one is worth?

I wondered, why did this have to happen? why did God allow such things to happen? There must have been a reason, there must be. I was so thankful to be born now, in this era, cause I think I would have been more willing to kill myself than die in the hands of the germans or any evil person in that matter. Is it really a bad world? Why are these killings still going on in Palestine, Israel, why? why can't people see that we are all the same. No one has the right to take another life, but the creator himself.

I saw what they ate, felt what they experienced though it was nowhere near similar. I saw food, and all I could think was how lucky we are. Yet, even I still complain about the choice of food.

Sigh, today, I pray for all the people who have been killed wrongly, for people who are still suffering that all this would end and you can be happy again, for all the people who claim ignorance, that you wake up and see that life isnt all about material well-being; sometimes its about survival, and for people who kill: do unto others what others do unto you. don't be an arsehole.

2011-11-03T00:34:00.000+08:00

This song is so, wow, seriously.
It reminded me of 30 seconds to mars for some reason.
and damn, these guys got the swagger.
No, the girl who sang swagger jagger doesn't really fit the decription.

Today, being a wednesday, was a run all over NUS day.
Starting from political science lecture which i love - lunch - library - tutorial - lecture.
That's how I spent almost 12 hours of my day.
Now I'm home, and I was so thankful for the ayam penyet my mum bought
for me at my request because if I ate one more bit of tamil food, I might just vomit.
As much as I feel guilty about saying this, I seriously couldn't take it anymore.

I'm still debating whether to do double majors.
I guess if my CAP allows it, I might just do double major
in Political Science and History, considering that sch isnt really stressful, yet.
wahhahaa.

Anyway, exams coming soon, gotta get se-ry-us.

L, elsa.

ugly acoustic - 2ne1

2011-11-02T00:41:00.000+08:00

HOW CAN IT BE THAT SONGS LIKE THIS HAVE ONLY ABOUT 10 MILLION VIEWS AND JUSTIN BIEBER HAS 693 MILLION VIEWS?

ft island :)

2011-11-01T22:11:00.001+08:00

& so, I decided to skip school today since it's on webcast.
I have done my job by watching another overdue webcast,
but today hasn't been used to its full potential yet :x

Been watching running man, and heechul & the chocoballs.
Sigh, there's really so much more out there than studying.
Can't wait to explore :) can't wait to travel, grow.

I'm having a good time as I watch these videos,
however, the studying part is being neglected :x
kk, soon, adios amigos.

Lee seung gi - you're my friend.

2011-10-30T20:50:00.001+08:00

Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays always feel so lovely :)
I think I've gotten used to school, and maybe soon I'll say I love it.
But, the only thoughts in my mind now are, all about the Laos trip.
I'm thrilled, just thinking :)
It's a new land, new people, new memories.

someone to remember - wendy heng.

2011-10-30T01:08:00.002+08:00

P.S: The song has no relation to this post.

I realised this person's name has appeared countless times in my blog.
Just as I was feeling down and under, a message that I did not want to see came.
But I was glad I did, she wrote just about the sweetest thing that made me smile instantly.
The girl with the contagious laughter said : "I seriously can never be thankful enough for your presence". -

I don't know why, but I've been feeling like my presence, my friends (not my family), has been rather made use of. Like, I'm only a friend as much as you need me, but not when I need you. I'm not the type that requires massive comforting, but I do need the once-in-a-while thought/pampering. I was wondering if I had wasted all my time on some people.

Just then, she popped. We have our fair share of disagreements, she probably doesnt like me at times, but then again, what makes the friendship special is that she acknowledges it, she takes care of me and she's someone, or rather one of the few I know who want to treasure friendships as much as I do. She takes the initiative to send messages, tells me whats on her mind, I'm not saying she is completely awesome, cause neither am I. But, beyond all of that, shes has been a friend. Although she isnt always the best comforter with words, her actions of thought make you feel loved. I haven't forgotten the cards, the calls on new year, in case you're wondering :) Tonight, Im just thankful to you :) I don't expect much, but I guess, you were just what I needed, and without having to say much, you made my life feel a little more meaningful :) maybe, just maybe, some of our effort paid off.

We can only hate a person if we love them too much to begin with, so, regardless of how much love or hate we go through, I truly and sincerely look forward to lasting a long and fruitful relationship with you till probably my last breath. Words come easy, but I hope our actions will stay the same :) Even if you may not love me as a friend in time to come, when I read my blog again, I will remember only the good memories :)

Goodnight,
and thank you.

--and silly girl, take care of your health.

what a feeling, is believing.

2011-10-29T21:35:00.005+08:00

"If you could only give half of what others would give to you, you'd be a cool person."
I can't wait to go to Laos, out of this civilisation for awhile.

Things I want to do in my life.

2011-10-29T20:36:00.002+08:00

Things I want to do in my life:

1. Make my family proud.

2. Become a good teacher.

3. Perhaps, get married.

some things you may not know.

2011-10-29T20:14:00.001+08:00

1. I can't sleep if the blankets cover my feet.

2. I like to store murukku in my mouth before I swallow it.

3. I'm the only one who does not like durians in my family.

4. I'm also the only one who does not like coke ice cream float in my family.

5. I'm actually more sensitive than you think I am.

6. My favorite pets are rabbits.

7. I love my family to bits but I often have problems expressing it.

8. I can't sleep if I don't hear the sound of the fan.

9. I'm normally easily satisfied.

10. I want to be a teacher - a history one at that.

11. I was fed milk till I was 1 and a half year old. (Just found out)

12. I love food, vegetables at that.

13. My sisters use to tease me by saying that I was found in the rubbish bin.

14. I was known as the diary kid cause I would always buy diaries as presents.

15. I once bought a card for my mother that read "Happy Birthday My Dear Wife".

16. And my mom still keeps that card.

17. I do things and go, oh man, why did I do that? (several times)

18. I actually enjoy sports and trekking etc, but I don't like doing things like that alone.

19. I like singing and dancing (but not publically)

20. I want to eat the lao ban tau huey very badly.

21. I trust people easily, but never completely.

2011-10-28T23:07:00.001+08:00

My blog is so pretty I can't stop staring - & meet the people I love most.

Justing Bieber- Mistletoe

2011-10-28T22:57:00.000+08:00

I heard him singing at a concert, and was like, whaaaat?! It doesn't sound half as good as in this song, but oh wells, I like this song :) its, hmmmm, nice and pleasant, but most importantly, peaceful.

Life in the past 3 months

2011-10-28T22:41:00.001+08:00

I've been meaning to blog for awhile but for some reason blogger decided to keep me away. (I wasn't able to post anything I typed) So now, get ready for my super long-winded post.

I entered university more or less 3/4 months ago?

The first day was very scary, didnt really have much friends and I had to be the 1/500 people alone and clueless. Thank God for my parents who accompanied me, made me feel that bit better :)

As days passed by, I kinda disliked school because I was always alone, always feeling as if I was finally a loner (which I did want to experience) and some sort of an anti-social. School was depressing. That was about it. Apart from a life though, I did and do greatly enjoy what I am studying: History, Political Science, Sociology, Environmental Biology and Clean Energy(Physics). Why take a Physics module? I didnt realise it was. But, I actually enjoy the module :)

So as more days passed by, I think I just got used to being independent, as I would like to call it.
I have made some good new friends like Joy, and others who well, we're on the stage of becoming better friends? Though I barely remember their names, have their numbers or added them on facebook. But, it does feel nice to have a few people I recognise and can say hi to when I'm walking past corridors, or almost always rushing to class/ the bus.

A few days back, I got my first A in university, for my sociology assignment and well, I was overwhelmed and thankful, thankful to God because school life, family life, friends, they had all been crazy stuff. Seeing that I got close to 50 likes though felt really touching :) Following that, I got 73/100 for my history mid-terms, 7/10 for bio CA, 13/20 for physics (THANK GOD I PASSED), and today, I got back my sociology mid-terms of which I got a B (grins like an elephant, that's if they do grin). I'm happy, I'm not a top star kinda student, but I'm glad that I am fulfilling what I set out to do in university: get a good degree and make my parents proud.

Oh! I almost forget, I'm heading to Laos in a little more than 1 month! :D this is one of the things I really am looking forward to. The people are lovely. Something that really made me happy was the moral support I received from the friends who bought the t-shirts we were selling, though I know they were just buying to support charity, it felt like they were supporting me too. In total, I sold 46 shirts, plus 3 (of mine) = 49 shirts. That's a total of $490! I guess I have more friends who support me than I thought I did :) So, though you're not going to see this, I thank you with all my heart because it made life in uni that much easier to live :) I'm particularly thankful for a friend called Grace, though she didnt realise it, when she asked me if I was feeling okay, I felt, kinda loved, like I fit with society. We even raised about $5000 doing newspaper collection - k, moral of the story, we were and are awesome. Next topic.

For social entertainment: I finished tons of shows, which include shining inheritance, my girlfriend is a gumiho (top 2's) and a show that I really feel like I can relate to, 1 night 2 days, a reality show. I know they're all korean, I couldnt help it. Their shows are just about my blood type. (hehe) It's funny how I can laugh out loud with people I don't know and cry with moments I feel like wow. Anyways, you wouldn't understand.

I passed driving (HURRAAAY) - but I'm still quite nervous and scared of driving, especially in car parks. My mum gets panic attacks every once in awhile. I'll get good, give me time :x

I met Nalani Raja, for a short time, but it was fun :) She helped me with wrapping my driving teacher's gift, it was a spontaneous but nice meeting. Then, I met the CPF clique while Siti was working in TTSH, what's there to say? it all felt in place. Recently, I met Hanim to accompany her to buy sports shoes, she's still as crazy as ever ;) Who else did I meet? hmmm. I'm accumulating data up to 3 months in my head for this post so please bear with me. Oh okay, I met the animal kingdom to eat Japanese food? food was yummy alright, unique experience followed by experience. I think I'm eating too much sugar, I just finished two whole huge darily milk bars in 5 days. okay, I'll move on.

Family life - things have been kinda hectic, hmm how do I put this? k, skip.

In my personal thoughts: I feel like I have a long way to go in life, in becoming a better person. I have been self-reflecting. (I can't reveal all that I'm thinking) - things that I probably don't want to remember forever. But in all, there's a you, and another you. To the first you, I wanna completely forget you. To the second you, I hope you wake up and realise that you're forgetting who you are, love is not something so simple & that you are worth more than that. Of course, there's a few other you's too, here and there, I just want to say, thanks for not being there when I needed yous. I'm moving on with life, with people who feel they love me more than I do love them.

Hmmmm, is that about all? I guess so? I have one more essay to write, which I WILL start doing tmrw. Ahhhh, the feeling of blogging is just about heavenly.

But if there is one thing to say, I'm happy with my life, happy with what I have and no matter what troubles may come my way, I'll still be happy because I found God, and God, gave me all I needed through my family :)

Oh wait, my love life? aahhhh, there's an interesting topic, one that my sister is particularly keen of. No, I said no means no, no boyfriend till I become someone. Even then, cute guys have become a rare commodity. soo... If I do see one, it'll be great (drawsaheart)

goodnight my lovely diary.
you have been missed greatly by your owner.
Elsa Shalina, xoxo.

Trapped

2011-10-28T22:10:00.000+08:00

I don't know what I'm feeling,

but it hasn't been easy going to school.

A wonderer

2011-09-21T16:25:00.002+08:00

I was watching this random korean video today,
on a guy (Hyunseung, currently in Beast) who got voted
out earlier to be in another famous korean group called Big Bang.
Although he struggled so hard, he still did not make it.
And for some weird reason, when I saw him cry,
I started weeping too.

How could I so easily cry for some stranger,
when it is not even easy crying for myself?

But it hit me, it's because we are all in the process
to achieve something great. Though the processes
maybe different, we are all aiming to become someone
in this very difficult, real world.

It reminded me, that, no one ever makes it big
without horrible struggles in their life.

Today, he is in a really famous group, and he has reached his dream.
Or rather, as cliche as it might sound, his dream, came, true.

Though my main goal in life is to become a teacher,
I feel like I have let go of some other dreams or rather passions
along the way ... somethings I've been wanting to explore
but was never brave enough, never had the courage.
I wonder if it is society, or if it is me myself.

I wonder how people live without dreams.
I don't want to grow up regretting what I could have done.
Even though I want to become a teacher, and that's for sure,
there is still somethings along the way I have to do.
And that is to follow my dreams.

For now, I'm just waiting to get my honours and
become a good daughter :) After that, I'm going to do
all the things I have ever dreamed of before entering the working world.
Maybe take a year of break :)

I've got 4 years to try all that I want.
After all, the gift of being young is the gift to explore.

August 20th - a memorable day :)

2011-08-21T13:37:00.004+08:00

Dated - August 20th

Let's see.

Yesterday started off wonderful till this sales woman had to spoil my day

by asking me if I wanted to lose weight on my bottom half.

Thereon I was feeling a little in a daze and really felt like

I had super low self-esteem, but a few friends helped me out

and I was able to get back up on my feet.

Moreover, one of the interviews I went to was really nice.

They were really friendly and I guess it made my

day a whole lot more as well :)

Whether I get in or not, I'm thankful for the experience.

I met Wendy Heng after ages, and you know how,

we can always be comfortable with one another regardless

of distances :) I love her manymany!

and we went on watsons hunting but failed to get what we wanted!

and I'm typing in my new laptop now!!! hurraaay :)

OHOHOH, I GOT INTO PROJECT EMP! LAOS IT IS! :DDDD

and we got a new aunty around the house,

she's pretty nice.

My sister's back home :) feels nice again

though she can be an irritant, hahahaha.

what a lovely day :)

First week of real school

2011-08-18T21:38:00.000+08:00

Hello over there :)

well, school has been, quite messy.
Haven't been feeling, well, how do I put this, 'fit' into society?
But I guess it all takes time.
And atleast now I'm getting a hang of the campus (ateenyweenybitmore)

Pray for me people.
Looks like I'm going to need all the strength I have.

Infinite - Can you smile :)

2011-08-12T22:44:00.002+08:00

I quite like this song :)
It's still sad that in the real world,
you still need looks to make it through.

Anyway, looks like I'm going to have school on
fridays from now on too. bohooooo.

I'll be joining aikido :)

& there's one more video that's really nice.

I like how jessie j always has a story behind her songs.

Suju - Memories

2011-08-11T22:23:00.001+08:00

First day of lecture lasted 30 minutes.
That's all I've got to say.

Beast - Rainy days

2011-08-09T20:36:00.002+08:00

Hello dear blog.

Let's say today was not very smooth-sailing either.
I don't know what exactly it is that I feel, but I'm upset about it.
I'm not sure how do I put it into words either.
I feel both selfish and yet too compromising.
Oh well, let's pray for a better tomorrow.

& I still have a fear of driving, I know I have passed but,
I've only drove once since I've passed.

Yesterday, I headed to IJC for national day celebration.
It was fun actually, I didn't need to know people to
make it special. It was nice just the way it was. :)

Tell me something - Selena Gomez

2011-08-06T18:09:00.001+08:00

Nothing feels better than a clean house, period.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word - Blue.

2011-08-06T01:28:00.002+08:00

How do I put it?
Was today the one of my best days?
The answer would be,well no.

Two events.

Event 1:

There's a bunch of idiots making my family upset.
I'm not going to say much, cause less talk does more good.
But I pray with all my heart, that they will get exactly
what they deserve and that the truth comes out
as soon as possible.

Event 2:

I just found out that apparently,
I'm not on the friends list of this supposed 'friend' I know.
The person deleted me before, added me again
and seemingly so deleted me again.
I mean, like whaaaaaaat?

You see, when I apologise,
I do so with all my heart.
There and then you're forgiven
and although I do remember it,
I don't go back and blame you about that.
This is how I'm trying to live,
these are the morals that I want to go by.

The word sorry, it's not just a word you know.
It must come from your heart.
It must be filled with sincerity.
And once you say it, and are over it,
don't look back, ever again.

Oh well, I'm not actually as upset
over event 2 cause well, I guess perhaps the
person is not worth my time and effort.

Event 1 I am though.

Dear God, give my family and I the strength to get through
these difficult times. Give me the courage to speak up for the righteous.
Make me less of a coward, more of a daughter and grand-daughter,
and more of a comfort to the ones who need my love now.

Ps. I'm not crying or anything, not horrible heart-broken either.

Jason Mraz - Butterfly.

2011-08-05T01:31:00.002+08:00

This, I love.
It sounds like a sex song,
but at least it's got class, it's poetic and different.

Compare it to Top of the World by Dev and some girl band.
It's nice, but that's porn.
Jason Mraz, is beauty.

Got it?

Outing with Siti Suhailah :)

2011-08-04T20:17:00.002+08:00

What can I say?
Today, was indeed a good day.

Not only has the weather been so cooling
all day, but the outing itself with the
awesome Siti Suhailah was pretty fun
and I managed to get a cool
bag and a top! :)

Unfortunately, the top's a little small,
buuuuut it's okaaay :D

We just sat and talked for awhile :)
all is good.

Beast - Breath

2011-08-03T14:01:00.002+08:00

Helloooo! :)
This is my favourite song at the moment.
I really like the dance moves :)

Anyway, I finally exercised yesterday!
100 sit ups, thirty push up plus leg lifts and dancing etc.
Feels awesome :DDD

I'm on my way to a fitter body this month!! :)

For some reason, my butt feels firmer already.
wohooo ^.^

but the only thing is that in the afternoons,
I have been doing nothing productive at all.

Oh.. and I didnt get the modules I bid for,
so there's a second round tmr? :) hahahas

Welllzxzxz, i'll just enjoy this process.

Oh my school - elsa, one of your fav moments!

2011-08-03T13:58:00.000+08:00

Super Junior - Mr. Simple

2011-08-01T23:39:00.001+08:00

I wouldn't say I love it, definitely not yet but maybe I might.
Anyway, to suju's fan, here's one of their songs from their new albums.
It sounds fairly disappointing now, I don't know what it will be like soon.

Anyway, here's to the first successful day of fasting! :)
Fasting is like, awesome, wait, AWESOME.

school's starting only after the 11th of August so that's
one more week of enjoyment! hehe <3

2NE1: UGLY

2011-07-31T22:01:00.002+08:00

Ola :)

I know this song seems like a very bad song
at inspiring others to feel like they're pretty.
But, the fact is that even pretty people
feel ugly every once in a while, and well,
I kinda like how the song catches that feeling.
Afterall, being gorgeous doesn't mean we have
everything meaningful in the world.

Besides that, alhamdulillah (thank God),
I got the courses that I bid for :)
The next one up will start tmrw,
bidding for GEMs and etc :)
I've only confirmed one that I want to take,
and that's the introduction to personal computers.

Frankly, I think FASS is amazing,
cause we get to try out so many things
and there's almost no restriction really.

Anyway, I'm prepped up for school!
Prepped up for fasting too!
Though my stomach is feeling a little
wishy washy right now,
I'm thankful for this month
cause I really do need to lose weight :x hahas.
Besides, fasting is a wonderful feeling :)

It's back to school for one day tmrw!
Let's enjoy :)

T-ara Roly Poly

2011-07-30T16:44:00.002+08:00

The reason why I'm posting videos is very simple.
It's because ten years down I want to remember the type
of songs I used to like and hear them again and rejoice! :))

I've been into the dancing and singing lately.
Anyone, wanna join me? :D

1 week to go before sch starts! :x

Boyfriend :)

2011-07-29T21:49:00.001+08:00

Bidding Closed at 5pm today.
All is left to God! wohoo :D

I find this song really cute, though
initially it was a turnoff cause
it just felt like a few justin biebers
and cody simpsons coming together,
but once you hear it on repeat it is
pretty addictive :)

How was my day? Fairly alright? :)

nam naye girlfriend, eh eh!

oh, my appetite has been HUGE,
can you spell HUGE, HUGE
lately.

Cody Simpson - On my mind.

2011-07-28T20:49:00.002+08:00

It's decided.
History.
Political Science.
Sociology.

oh oh oh , I had a really nice heart-to-heart talk with lilin,
& she's simply a real sweeheart :)
I'm truly glad that I'm making friends with good hearts.
Thank you :)

TOP $ GD knockout.

2011-07-28T00:07:00.002+08:00

Go on and look down on me, watch me as I grow stronger.

Choosing the right modules for Semester 1.

2011-07-27T21:24:00.002+08:00

This song is highly recommended.
No, this band is highly highly recommended :)
Rascal Flatts for the info :)

Well, attended two talks by FASS
and apparently, I have to choose the modules I
want to take by the end of the next two days.
Freakkkyyy.

History is like the no problem kind.
Whereas, I'm debating over politcal science/sociology/philosophy&english language.
So, somebody same me and clear my head!
there's just soooo much to think while choosing,
that I'd rather be just studying :)

Can't wait for school though!
Hopefully I'll choose the right subjects!

I'm not a k-pop fanatic, I just like good music.

2011-07-24T21:02:00.002+08:00

you know why humans are rarely ever satisfied?
It's because they never bother to look around them when they're upset.
I'm guilty of that too, many times in fact.
We just got to snap ourselves back into happiness.

There's this thing I really dislike about myself.
Okay, maybe not one or two.
But working on it is so difficult right now.
I feel like I'm living in regret in this one particular matter.
What if I die tomorrow?

Throw your elbows up.

2011-07-24T20:37:00.002+08:00

So here's how my stay home day goes:

Wake up at 1pm, after sleeping around 3 am.
Eat. Bathe and all the necessities.
Watch TV.
Rejoice in my family being home.
Watch more TV.
and eat again.
Now I'm back to the computer.

& tomorrow is a visit to Innova Junior College
for one last time before a long long time, probably.

Heechul and Hongki's friendship song :)

2011-07-24T01:24:00.001+08:00

You know, I'm really having high hopes of finding,
well, a bestfriend, or rather, as I would like to say,
someone I'll enjoy everyday of uni life with.
Be it struggles or the daily joy of being in school.
Though it is almost impossible,
it'll still be nice, to do things together :)

I like both Hongki's and Heechul's character :)

Jess & Yun over at my crib!

2011-07-23T22:34:00.002+08:00

Ola :)

Today was a happening day :)
For starters, I learned how to cook sambar and vege
from my mum (indian food for the win) :)
cause I surprisingly woke up at 9am,
which has not been achieved in quite some time
unless the situation called for.

I cleaned the house.
you know, mop sweep mop sweep,
I should probably write a song about house cleaning.
I mop and I sweep, I mop and I sweep, tomorrow I still
mop and I sweep (lalalala) = lame.

(ps. I'm feeling ridiculously lame now, bear with it k ^.^)

Let's zoom in on the fun part:

Jessica and Hui yun came over to my house!
Initially with the plan of playing monopoly deal
but we ended up chit-chatting :)
and a impromptu decision to head to Bugis!
Unfortunately, it was not as good as the previous time.
Nevertheless, we ate and talked to our hearts content :)

Another good day indeed! :DD

I'm in a super happy mood anyway.
Elsa rocks! :) (so seconday school, sheeesh)

Hastalavista baby!

First Days of School :)

2011-07-22T19:53:00.002+08:00

Hello everyoneandnoonereally! :)

Well, I intend to revive my blog,
now that I am starting a new phase of my life again,
I would like it all recorded down :)
I guess blogging during JC was tough
since I barely had time to describe
the joy and stress I felt all at one.

CPF: a brief story about it would actually
be the countless beautiful people I met.
I'm truly thankful for the experience
and you might be surprised when I say this
but I never did dislike or regret the job :)
It was a true eye-opener and well,
though it got boring at times,
the fun was so much more :)

NUS: Okay, my moms being the sweethearts,
accompanied me to school :) I really kinda didnt like
the whole registration process cause
1) I was alone
2) I was blur
3) I was pretty scared.

Especially cause there was the matriculation fair,
something like the cca fair where everyone would
try to win you over. As I was alone, it just
seemed more scary than anything and well,
I left without really choosing my options.
But, I'm glad to say that it was a start.

Met Animal Kingdom to celebrate Jaselyn's & Felicia's birthday.
It was full attendance after a long time, ate at Balithai
and well, what can I say, being with them is something
that can never be not fun :) I love them.

Today, I headed down for my medical checkup and UHC, alone :)
(I personally want to thank Jessica for being a sweetheart and saying yes,
It really meant a lot considering the fact that I'm quite a scaredy cat
when it comes to these kinda things, believe it or not, I dislike buying food
at hawker centres alone too)

So, all was good :) except that I got to head back down to
take my urine test cause apparently it had blood, no idea why.
But, I'll be stronger, and stronger and stronger :)

After that, I headed to bugis to meet Shweta and Sharifah :)
It was a short talk but it felt good cause they're two very lovely people :)

I'm definitely looking forward to school.
& thinking back, I realise that I actually have quite a number
of good friends who are there for me, I just never
took the time to understand it :)
So, thank you, friends.

& I really love my family :)
The other day, we were fixing a new bed
and we all were trying to put the pieces together.
I guess, it really felt like something only loved
ones will do together you know? :)
Thanks God.

I will become a good person in life, slowly at least :)

& I finally kinda realised the biggest weakness I have,
the fear of attachment.
No wonder I keep having mixed emotions
with people I love.

Change is on its way :)

Inspiration

2011-06-08T18:39:00.000+08:00

Steve Jobs :)

2011-06-08T15:16:00.002+08:00

Today's assignment: Steve Jobs, the master behind Apple.

This video gave me a certain inspiration to learn about him
and the competition with Microsoft master, Bill Gates.

After watching an hour long video, I simply have
to admit that they are both brilliant.

But I still have to stand on the side of Steve Jobs
simply because he was able to create more consumer satisfaction
combining the idea of hardware, software and applications.

Nevertheless, Kudos to Bill Gates because the whole
idea of a PC still remains strong.

I had wanted to write a thorough analysis, but I'm not
prepared for that yet. Till I find out more at least..